Friday, May 29, 2009

wonder


I wonder often, probably too often, how things would be different for me if I were in a different body. What would my life be like if instead of being an extra in life, I were a star. Even a supporting character. Would I get the things I seek? Would I draw love to me like a beacon?
And then I wonder if it would even matter. If I had the power to attract, would I still want the same things I do now?
As I've matured, these questionings have reduced, or at least they've changed.
But there's still that nagging feeling in me.
Will anyone ever see past my skin to the wonder?

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Locked


I wish I knew the combination
of words to say and things to do
to prove myself to you.
To let you know that I won't do what they did.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Unidentified

You show up briefly
three blips on radar
a solitary metallic ping
and then disappear again.

We're frantic with math
and telemetry
backup data
recordings.

The only evidence we're left with
are three winks of a little green light
and your echo.

Palmistry

"I'm so tired of never getting what I want. Or of getting it with a monkey paw curse attached. All those Hollywood people are always saying to be careful what you wish for, yeah, but at least they first had a wish come true."
-from The Gum Thief, by Douglas Coupland

If palmistry were truth, my fate would be etched on my skin.
If palmistry were truth, my fingers would become omens.
If it were truth, I would run my hands down your back
imprinting my future onto you. This is what I wish.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Masochist

Sometimes,
when I think
of you, I want
to rip open my chest
and let the sun
burn out my heart.


Friday, May 22, 2009

Lines


when the call is lost
the wires cut
when I get disconnected
will the dial tone keep me awake

Operator


Your voice comes out of the darkness, whispering modulated secrets in my ear.

And I like it.

These calls, they give me something to look forward to.
I bear the day, knowing night will fall and I'll hear from you again.

I'm disarmed by a pulse and waiting.
I hold my breath...

then I'm with you again, wrapped around and upside-down.
Hanging on every word,

I could stay in these nights forever.

Push



I don't want to talk about it,
because I don't want to think about it.

I don't want to deal with it.
I don't want to look at it.

I can't have that elephant

pushed back through my aortic valve
into my left ventricle.

It doesn't fit in there,

it's too fragile.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Wheel

Today is a day of change, of rising and falling. The turning of the wheel. The whole experience is necessary, for through this, all manifestations of light and dark ultimately merge and become one.

If I didn't live 1800 miles from the ocean, I would be there now...watching the waves. Watching the tides. I need perpetual motion right now. Something fluid and cyclic. Something timeless and more vast than me. Somthing inexhorable.

Last night was a difficult night. I let a great many things surface that I've sublimated for so long. I feel like I went to sleep and woke up 10 years later. I'd like nothing more than to return to that state of emotional hibernation, but I'm aware of the impossibility of this.

When the levee breaks, the river cuts a new path.